This could only end in total disaster for me. I was considering my options frantically. Would anyone notice if I just drifted to the back of the group of boys, snatched my coat and ran like a madman?
I was 12 years old, somewhat awkward socially and a whole lot awkward around girls. For years they’d been friend material, but dynamics seemed to be changing and I was clueless to what was going on. Then I found myself at the dance.
Which was announced rather as a party, to celebrate the completion of a course I attended over several weeks with kids of my age. I knew a few of them, most were still strangers. And maybe this could be fun, since I sure as hell wasn’t going to be dancing.
It was early evening and there were boys, girls, the adults who organized it, music, festive lighting and cheap sodas and snacks for sale. Slowly it became clear that the adults’ intended this event to be a dance, with us kids doing the dancing. The music was also suspiciously slow. And since the start, the dance floor had been completely empty for over half an hour.
It must have been well-intended, but to me it felt more like someone had suggested personalized torture: “Wouldn’t it be fun to see them suffer? Inflict agonizing emotional pain on them for our amusement?”
I hated dancing, I had zero experience slow dancing and could think of at least 25 questions I had about it that I’d like to have fully answered before thinking about even practising it without anyone watching. So fat chance I was going out on that dance floor and look like an idiot.
I was in dread, but I started noticing something. Nobody else got out there and danced. All the girls were on the opposite side of the dance floor, all the boys were flocking together on my side.
Boys who had been trying to look or sound impressive over the past few weeks were remarkably passive. Was this possible? I wasn’t the only one! They had all turned to jelly and were quietly muttering amongst each other.
Even after several attempts from the adults to encourage people to dance, nothing happened. The adults said: “Come on boys, you need to ask the girls to dance!” As if that made things better.
In pure desperation, fearing their shindig was flopping, the adults offered a free drink to the first couple that would do a slow dance. Cricket sounds. I was stunned. Not even this bribe was worth it to all those guys with their big mouths, to risk what seemed like public humiliation.
Then I saw the opportunity. A free drink, sure, but more importantly, the opportunity to accomplish something noone else seemed capable of. I was probably the last person they expected to step up. In fact, an opportunity to greatly exceed my own expectations of myself.
I could hardly believe I was considering this and was expecting someone to cross the floor any second now. And someone did, but i discovered it was me. “Holy crap, I’m doing this!” flashed through my mind. And “Then I’d better make it count.”
My heart pounded as I walked over to the prettiest girl in the room and squeaked: “Would you like to dance?”
Seemingly relieved she immediately said yes. We went to the middle of the room. I clumsily put my hands where I hoped they were supposed to go without offending, she put her hands on my shoulders and we started to slowly move to the music.
I had no idea if I was even allowed to look at her. So I just looked across the room, and so did she. I saw a mix of confusement and astonishment in the eyes of the other boys, and my fear was joined by feelings of amusement and triumph.
I thought it was pretty funny that nobody, including me, had expected me to be the first to ask a girl to dance. But it was a glorious moment to be dancing there despite the crippling fear I had felt. This was a victory over a part of me that had told me this was impossible.
Halfway through our dance, someone yelled “Free drinks for the next couple as well!” A few more boys hesitantly went over to ask some girls to dance. For the remainder of the song we were no longer the only couple dancing.
I realized I made that happen. None of the guys had the guts to go over there until I did. This was probably the first time I surprised myself by doing something seemingly impossible. I was rewarded with a dance with a beautiful girl, surprise and respect from the other boys and a complimentary beverage. But mainly with the discovery that I was capable of much more than I thought.
I’m sure you’ve had a victory like that at some point in your life. If you need a boost to accomplish something that seems far out of reach, think back to that moment. Or take a moment to make a list of accomplishment like that so your brain remembers that it’s not always successful at holding you back.
Kudos if you caught the quote in the title! It’s from a great episode of “How I met your mother” (season 4 episode 14).