Save your sanity: why you should stop arguing online


Man frustrated by laptop

I know, I know, reading that title makes people want to argue against it. The day the internet was conceived, participating in online arguments was the first new hobby people found there. Technically even before that, but who’s gonna argue eh?

By arguments I mean: disagreeing people trying to convince eachother. Which actor should be the next James Bond? Exactly how flat is the world? Manchester United, Manchester City or Stalybridge Celtic? Why is devastatingly sugary drink A tastier than B? In rare cases people have even been found to discuss politics online!

Online arguments are super great, there’s just one problem with them: they really suck. I’m gonna go ahead here and generalize slightly: 99,9% of the time when you are arguing online, you are wasting your time, wasting your energy and unnecessarily pumping CO2 into the atmosphere with every keystroke.

Believe me, I’ve been there

In 1994 I discovered the internet and quickly stumbled upon Usenet. What millennials will now probably not even know as Google Groups, used to be the main online platform for discussions. Web forums and Reddit were impossible futuristic nonsense; Usenet was just threads of text messages. No grumpy cat memes, no animated GIF’s on repeat. Most people posted under their real name with their real email address visible. Even without anonimity some people loved endless arguments about nothing, but my experience was one of mostly intelligent discussion.

Since then, the possibilities to find an online argument have become abundant. Some or all of these happened: more people went online, people became more anonymous online, more idiots went online, more people became idiots, more online places allowed people to behave like idiots. I joined several discussion platforms over the years and on the vast majority I got tied up in pointless arguments instead of enriching discussions.

And then I realized something.

I didn’t actually gain anything from arguing online. If you believe arguing online makes you feel good, I’d like to challenge that belief. Does it really, and why? Alternatively, could arguing online be a way of feeding your ego, distracting yourself from more important issues, venting, procrastinating, unleashing some aggression, suppressing an emotion, feeling a sense of power over people?

When I argued online, I used to think:

  • I’m enjoying myself!
  • I’m having an intelligent conversation!
  • I’m helping people improve their knowledge or thinking!
  • I’m learning new ideas and insights!
  • I’m convincing people of what I know to be true!

The reality was:

  • I felt frustrated most of the time
  • People felt attacked and acted defensively
  • People made it personal
  • People refused to actually listen to eachother’s ideas
  • People tried to force their ideas and views onto others
  • Discussions went in circles
  • Internet trolls showed up and got fed

I’m sure you have some interesting patterns to add to this list. This kind of behavior is ubiquitous. It’s not just lurking in the shady corners of the internet: even on a respectable platform like LinkedIn, people get into senseless arguments all the time.

Still think arguing online is good for you?

Ask yourself:

  • How many times have you argued with someone online?
  • How many times did that result in that someone changing their view and admitting it?
  • If that’s a really low percentage, why keep bothering?
  • If that’s a really high percentage, why aren’t you using that superpower to stop wars, hunger and climate change?

Also be honest with yourself and check if during or after an online argument you ever experience any of the following:

  • You bask in negativity and maybe even carry that over to your offline life
  • You feel frustrated because you want to convince someone, and can’t seem to succeed
  • You become angry
  • You tense up physically
  • Posting a new comment takes priority over driving safely
  • You write something ugly
  • You spend a considerable amount of time trying to convince one single person, who might spend a similar amount of time trying to convince you back
  • When you’re not online, you are devising ways to win the argument later
  • You feel a strong dislike towards “The_Mountain69” who you’ve never met or even seen, but you still want to steal their marbles.

If so: is that your best self? Are those experiences you desire?

Of course, there are some online places where you can have decent discussions that don’t turn into argument. If you enjoy a place like that, that’s great. That’s why this article focuses on online arguments. Platforms that are full of arguments are just a black hole where all your energy is sucked into. Stay away from those places, keep yourself out of arguments. Ignore all Youtube comments. Use your precious time and energy for things that add to your life.

And come on, how big would the true impact on your life be if The_Mountain69 finally admitted to Pierce Brosnan’s superiority?


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